Multiple people have told me, totally unprompted, that I am a good kisser. Yes, this is absolutely me bragging, and I expect my trophy in the mail any day now. All this is to say that as much as someone can be qualified to write this article, I guess I am. That said, I’ve definitely been where you are right now, Googling how to confidently kiss and not ruin everything. But hey, you’re on the SAFE App blog, so you’re already way ahead of the curve. The days of shamefully making out with the back of your hand are gone, my friend. I’m going to share some of my patented tips and tricks on how to kiss without turning into a Saliva Monster (Cookie Monster’s pervy cousin).
It’s All About the Drum Roll:
There’s an entire episode of How I Met Your Mother about this phenomenon, so watch that if you want more information. All I can tell you is that the build up is key to a good kiss. Touch your partner’s face or body before the kiss to create tension, and tease them with your lips or tongue. Going full-force immediately is sometimes a good tactic, but more often than not, it’s all about that drum roll.
Your Tongue Should Not Be in Someone Else’s Mouth More Than Your Own:
My first kiss was horrible. Like, panic attack-inducing horrible. For years afterwards I thought I hated kissing because it was so excruciatingly bad. Their main issue was diving in tongue first, and also that we were next to our friends and I was just trying to watch The Forty-Year-Old Virgin in peace. (Yes, I’m aware of the irony). So, please, cool it with the tongue. It depends on the person, but for many, a little goes a long way. Start out with just lips, varying pressure and angles. Then, if you’re feeling it, maybe slip in a hint of tongue. After all, the saying is “play it by ear,” not “play it by tongue.”
Tune in to How Your Partner Is Feeling:
While to some people, a bunch of tongue or teeth may be a big turn-off, others may love it. The key to being a good kisser is understanding what your partner wants, while also balancing your own wants and needs. This doesn’t mean you always have to be submissive or not take charge, but it does mean you have to be aware of how they’re feeling, and what they seem to like. You can watch out for these signs by listening for moans or changes in breathing, noting what their hands are doing, and more. If your partner is a good kisser, they will also be aware of what you respond well to, and act accordingly.
Don’t Forget About Your Hands:
Kissing isn’t just a mouth sport. If your mouths are connected, but the rest of you is a foot away, chances are it’s a bad kiss. Get the rest of your body, and your hands into it. Kissing is an incredibly tactile experience, so add more sensations by touching your partner. Stroking their cheek, playing with their hair, or stroking their back or arms are usually good bets. And if things seem to be getting a little steamy, a tasteful (always consensual) fondle here and there could amplify things. Again, though, always be aware of your partner’s feelings. If they don’t respond well to any of this, stop that touch immediately. If things are headed toward a more NSFW direction, make sure to show your partner your STI status on the SAFE App, and encourage them to show you theirs, because safe is sexy.
Brush Your Damn Teeth:
This one should hopefully be a no-brainer, but I just wanted to lay it out as clearly as possible. You don’t want to kiss someone who tastes gross, and neither does anyone else. Your dentist and your partner have one thing in common, and that is that they both want you to brush your damn teeth. The jury is still out on flossing, though.
This is by no means a full guide to everything there is to know about kissing. When it comes right down to it, everyone is into different things, so it’s impossible to know what someone will like until you either talk about it or try it. Good kissing comes down to one word: responsiveness. Respond to your partner, and they’ll (hopefully) respond to you. Happy kissing!