by: Miriam Tanenbaum
Thanks to the magic of the internet, we can be gayer than ever before. In fact, it is our civic duty to be gayer than ever before. With the prominence of dating apps, there are thousands of queer girls suddenly at your fingertips at all times (innuendo maybe intended). This is as liberating as it is overwhelming but take a deep breath. I’m here to help you navigate the sometimes radioactive wasteland known as queer girl tinder (AKA QGT, I like acronyms).
Unicorns Are A Myth for a Reason:
You may find women who are an 8-10 on the objectifying hotness scale posing with a man who ranges from a 3-5. They may ask for a “unicorn.” This will confuse you at first, and that is understandable. Unicorns, once mystifying and mythical glorified horses, are now women who want to participate in a threesome with someone and their exceedingly average boyfriend. If you’re interested in this, you’re in luck! Unicorn invitations are literally constant on Tinder. You may think you’ve matched with a cute girl until you get a message where she refers to herself as “we,” and well, you know the rest. It’s obviously up to you whether you want to threesome it up or not, but if you’re into that sort of thing, know you’ll be spoiled for choice.
How to Be Safe on Apps:
I’m not here to tell you if you go on a date with someone from an app you’ll end up in the nearest river, I’m here to tell you how to make that possibility even less likely. Talk with people for a little while to make sure they sound normal and real. Never give out any personal information (address, social security number, nuclear launch codes, etc.), and don’t send nude pictures, even if they ask. You don’t know this person yet, and you don’t know if they might have weird ulterior motives. If you feel comfortable enough to exchange numbers, do so, but do it with caution. If you go on a date, make sure you go to a public location first. If you decide to have sex, be sure to find out if they’re positive for any STIs through SAFE App, because, after all, it’s always better to be safe than sorry.
Finding People on Tinder That You Know IRL:
Chances are that you know people. If you come across someone who fits into that category (an acquaintance, a friend, an ex, etc.) there are some simple ways to get the right message across without ruining everything. People seem to have different codes for what the various kinds of swipes mean, but I think it’s safe to operate under this general rule of thumb. A normal like/swipe right means you’re actually into the person, a superlike means that everything is purely platonic (because it seems way too overeager otherwise), and a swipe left means you want nothing to do with them whatsoever. Everyone has a different code, though, so be careful you aren’t sending the wrong message.
I imagine the straights also have this problem, but I know better than to concern myself with heterosexual affairs. Queer girls have a tendency to either vastly overshare in bios, or leave them completely blank. The blankness implies they aren’t an actual person, and you might end up in that fateful river I mentioned earlier. Meanwhile, there are countless ways to seriously overdo it on the bio. There are beer lesbians, weed lesbians (though they only ever say “420 friendly”), dog lesbians, cat lesbians, astrology lesbians, Harry Potter lesbians, looking-for-a-wife lesbians, experimenting lesbians, and so, so many more. There are also people who are all of these and want you to know about it in as much excruciating detail as possible. Parse through the novella of information to find what’s relevant to you, or maybe the fact that their bio is an epic poem with emojis is a turn-off in and of itself.
Overall, how you use dating apps is totally up to you. Whether you’re looking for something serious or casual, a threesome, or distinctly not a threesome, an oversharer, or someone to murder you, these can all be found. Today, our options are seemingly endless. So, while your girlfriend will still probably be one of your exes’, exes, it’s no longer a requirement. And always remember to stay SAFE.